Crying in Home Depot

Did I ever tell you about the time I cried in Home Depot? It was not pretty. Back when we were planning our kitchen remodel, I had found the perfect cabinets at Home Depot. The perfect mocha glaze on the perfect maple cabinet. They came out and measured the kitchen and then they came up with the design. It was perfect.

I had a final 2 hour meeting with them. It was August and the kids came with me equipped with books and snacks. I sat down with the Remarkable Robert, and older gentleman who used to remodel homes and had retired to designing for Home Depot. He was so kind. When I told him we would be installing the cabinets ourselves, he made sure to tell me exactly how they would be packaged, and what to look for with the toe kick, the crown molding and the fridge cabinet pieces. He made me diagrams and explained in great detail how to install certain parts. I nodded and said "hmmm....yes..." like I was committing it to memory so when Morrie was in the middle of holding up a cabinet and said "Son of a NUTCRACKER!" I could come in and save the day with Robert's word for word explanations. We finally finished every detail, it was perfect. I took the bill and went up front to pay. The kids were tired, we wanted nothing more then to finally go home.

I handed the cashier the paperwork and she asked for my first born in payment. When I could not bear to hand over Isabelle, I handed over my debit card instead. I recently transferred the money for the cabinets. She swiped the card...said hmmm...swiped again...and said it was declined. My heart raced. What? Declined? I knew the money was there. I KNEW IT. We stared at each other. I explained that the money was there, I wasn't trying to pull one over on them. We sat in silence.

I came up with an idea. I would just drive to the other side of town and get a cashier's check from my bank for the exact amount. She breathed a sigh of relief. That sounded good we decided. The kids and I packed ourselves into the car and drove to the bank. We waited in line and then finally explained in great detail our troubles to the bank teller. She said she didn't know why the debit card didn't work, she showed that the money was there (see? I knew it!). She printed me a cashier's check and back we went.

I sighed again as I got out of the car. I really just wanted to crawl under the floormat and take a nap. Instead we went back to the service counter and said "Here's your stinkin' check". Then I said under my breath "See? I told you I had the money". She ran the check through their check scanner. A message popped up that a phone number needed to be called. Really? REALLY? She called and was put on hold. Then she spoke into the phone. Then she looked at me and said the cashier's check was denied. WHAT? I started to tear up and my heart raced. I yanked the phone from her hands and strangled the person on the other end. Then I politely explained that it was a cashier's check and that means it is just like CASH. Nobody believed me. A supervisor was called over. They couldn't take the check.

I was crying. I was tired. The kids kept asking what was wrong. I had an idea. It was crazy, but it was the only thing I could think of that would work. I said I was going back to the bank and I was bringing them CASH. How do you like them apples? They shrugged and said ok.

If you know anything about kitchen cabinets, they are not cheap. I limped back to the bank, tearfully explained to the same teller my plight. She was angry that the check service that Home Depot used was full of morons. I agreed. She snickered and gave me cash and we discussed how I should throw the bills at them when I went back.

I went back. The cashier I had been using was gone. I was now starring at a 20 year old who knew nothing about home repairs. She also freaked out when faced with large sums of cash. A supervisor was called over. I had to sign additional paperwork. I was fuming (it is the second stage of "Home Depot Depression"). At one point my head fell off and rolled across the floor. We finally were allowed to leave.

I never want to buy kitchen cabinets again.

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The world's largest lake is the Caspian Sea