Still figuring out aperture

I thought the Tulip tree looked so great in bloom, that I would take some pictures in front of it. Wait, do you know what would be better?

If I played with the aperture, and made the background this beautiful pink/white fuzzy softness with the foreground in focus! That would be awesome. I had been reading about aperture for days and I finally figured out the depth of field, the f stop, the openness, the shutter speed...etc etc. Finally, I can take more advanced pictures!

Take another look at the picture. Everything is IN focus. The tree, the kid, everything! Darnit darnit darnit.

Back to the drawing board.

World Trivia To-Go:

My top three favorite sounding capitols are:

Burundi's capitol is Bujumbura (boo-jem-boorah)

Ivory Coast's capitol is Yamoussoukro (ya-moo-soo-kro)

Burkina Fasso's capitol is Ouagadougou (wa-geh-doo-goo)

Game One Review:

Maybe if Philadelphia relied on foot skills rather than WWE antics, they would have played better. Gouge out an eye, knee someone's kidney, launch yourself through the air at a player...

I can hear Seth and Amy now: really?? REALLY??

This was when I ran down and hugged Evans after his goal. It may have been as wet as a friggin' typhoon, but it was worth it!!

World Trivia To-Go:

The capitol of Columbia is Bogota

Bogota is practically in the middle of Columbia

Barranqullia, where Montero is from, is on the northern coast of Columbia.

Even Annie is excited!

Alternate title: What I do when the kids aren't around to use as props.

Scarves up! 5 hours till kickoff!!!

Factory Tours

I have always been a big fan of shows where they tour factories and tell you how things are made. Made in America and How It's Made are very cool shows to zone out to - and I am always in the mood to zone out. Zone out from the laundry (I know how that is made), the dirty dishes, the stinky soccer socks...sigh...

I decided to share my Top 10 Factory Tours that I would like to go on (US tours found on factorytourusa.com). I have been on 1 in recent history and let's just say Ben and Jerry's Factory in 10 degree weather for someone who is allergic to dairy isn't the best time I ever had. Here we go:

10. Gibson Guitar Factory in Tennessee (mostly to make you know who happy)
9. Maple Grove Farms in Vermont (I love me some maple syrup)
8. Holualoa Kona Coffee Company in Hawaii (I can smell it now...)
7. Casa Bacardi Visitors Center in Puerto Rico = Fun in the Sun
6. Porsche Factory in Germany
5. Wily Wonka Candy Factory in Illinois (Laffy taffy anyone??)
4. Murano Glass Factory in Venice
3. Aalsmeer Flower Auction in Amsterdam
2. Pepsi (I don't know where their main factory is, but I need to go there)
1. Crayola in Pennsylvania (the smell of the crayons, the new pens...looooove it)

While researching my favorite factories, I came across some that...well...made the Bottom Ten List. You will never see me in:

10. Sechler's Pickles Inc. Indiana
9. Pacific Oyster Co. Oregon (It stinks from here)
8. Spam Museum Minnesota -I know it's a museum, but it is listed with the factory tours
7. US Borax Inc California - my skin is crawling already
6. Idaho National Lab - home of 52 nuclear reactors
5. Flex-A-Bed in Georgia - I just imagine at least one worker getting stuck each day
4. Hoegh Pet Casket Company Missoura
3. Musk Ox Farm Alaska
2. Intercourse Pretzel Factory Pennsylvania (what??)
1. The Old Muffin Factory Kansas (speaks for itself)

World Trivia To-Go:
Name the Mediterranean country located on the Balkan Peninsula that is Europe's number one producer of cotton:

(Isabelle answered this question correctly in her school Geography Bee to take her to the finals)

Greece

So freakin' Excited!!!

I am about to jump out of my pants with excitement! Wait. I just want you to know that I don't normally take my pants off when I am excited. It just sounded appropriate. Hold on...based on the past post and the fact that I am not known for being appropriate, maybe you should just strike these last few sentences from your mind.

I know that is what the backspace key is for, but let's review: I am not known for being making appropriate comments. Just ask Rachel, I send her inappropriate emails ALL the time. Same with Holly. I just can't help myself.

I also tend to get off track sometimes. I have my outfit all planned for the Sounders game opener on Thursday. Now would be a good time to mention that it is the game opener for the entire MLS. That's right, our game kicks off the entire MLS season on Thursday, and the rest of the teams will play on Saturday. We are that amazing. I totally use "we" in every sense of the word because I consider myself a critical part of the club. We are the only club in the MLS to be in the top 50 clubs internationally for highest average attendance.

Moment of silence.

Thank you. If anyone would like to keep Morrie company while he watches from home, that would be nice. Oh wait, he has to take Izzy to practice on Thursday night. Well, maybe I will bring him home a little something. Like maybe a wife who has full on face paint. We'll see. I am sure my date will keep me under control, she is ten after all. She has way more restraint than I do.

World Trivia To-Go:
Tha capitol of Bolivia is La Paz.
Doesn't Bolivia sound like it should be in Europe and not South America? I am not sure who to take this suggestion to.

6 days until THIS!

For the next 6 days, we will ponder the greatness that is the Seattle Sounders. My excitement and joy will spill out of your computer and ultimately infect you as well. We have seen these pictures before (from last years U.S. Open Cup), but I really felt it was time to bring them out again.
I will have you know that the GIRLS were in front of me getting autographs, I was not talking to the players, or asking them for anything. I swear. Really.

What would I ask them for anyway? Maybe to smile? Maybe.

To take their clothes off? Never. I would never do THAT.

They just can't help it when they walk by me.

World Trivia To-Go
This country is the number one producer of wheat in the world:

China

So cute I could cry...

We saw this dog last weekend. The girls were simultaneously freaking out because it was cute, and worried that he would fall out. I was just waiting for him to start banging his paw on the side of the truck to go faster.

Nom nom nom. So cute I could just eat her up. Or put her in my pocket and keep her there. Except for when she is hungry (read: crazy grouchy), then I will put her in Morrie's pocket.

I have to look at this picture a lot to block out the vet bills he has caused lately. He's lucky I didn't throw him in the truck with that dog. But then again he loves dogs, and probably would have gotten along famoulsy with it, and my whole plan would have backfired. Bollocks.

World Trivia To-Go:

The highest temperature ever recorded is 136.4 degrees - in Libya.

Crying in Home Depot

Did I ever tell you about the time I cried in Home Depot? It was not pretty. Back when we were planning our kitchen remodel, I had found the perfect cabinets at Home Depot. The perfect mocha glaze on the perfect maple cabinet. They came out and measured the kitchen and then they came up with the design. It was perfect.

I had a final 2 hour meeting with them. It was August and the kids came with me equipped with books and snacks. I sat down with the Remarkable Robert, and older gentleman who used to remodel homes and had retired to designing for Home Depot. He was so kind. When I told him we would be installing the cabinets ourselves, he made sure to tell me exactly how they would be packaged, and what to look for with the toe kick, the crown molding and the fridge cabinet pieces. He made me diagrams and explained in great detail how to install certain parts. I nodded and said "hmmm....yes..." like I was committing it to memory so when Morrie was in the middle of holding up a cabinet and said "Son of a NUTCRACKER!" I could come in and save the day with Robert's word for word explanations. We finally finished every detail, it was perfect. I took the bill and went up front to pay. The kids were tired, we wanted nothing more then to finally go home.

I handed the cashier the paperwork and she asked for my first born in payment. When I could not bear to hand over Isabelle, I handed over my debit card instead. I recently transferred the money for the cabinets. She swiped the card...said hmmm...swiped again...and said it was declined. My heart raced. What? Declined? I knew the money was there. I KNEW IT. We stared at each other. I explained that the money was there, I wasn't trying to pull one over on them. We sat in silence.

I came up with an idea. I would just drive to the other side of town and get a cashier's check from my bank for the exact amount. She breathed a sigh of relief. That sounded good we decided. The kids and I packed ourselves into the car and drove to the bank. We waited in line and then finally explained in great detail our troubles to the bank teller. She said she didn't know why the debit card didn't work, she showed that the money was there (see? I knew it!). She printed me a cashier's check and back we went.

I sighed again as I got out of the car. I really just wanted to crawl under the floormat and take a nap. Instead we went back to the service counter and said "Here's your stinkin' check". Then I said under my breath "See? I told you I had the money". She ran the check through their check scanner. A message popped up that a phone number needed to be called. Really? REALLY? She called and was put on hold. Then she spoke into the phone. Then she looked at me and said the cashier's check was denied. WHAT? I started to tear up and my heart raced. I yanked the phone from her hands and strangled the person on the other end. Then I politely explained that it was a cashier's check and that means it is just like CASH. Nobody believed me. A supervisor was called over. They couldn't take the check.

I was crying. I was tired. The kids kept asking what was wrong. I had an idea. It was crazy, but it was the only thing I could think of that would work. I said I was going back to the bank and I was bringing them CASH. How do you like them apples? They shrugged and said ok.

If you know anything about kitchen cabinets, they are not cheap. I limped back to the bank, tearfully explained to the same teller my plight. She was angry that the check service that Home Depot used was full of morons. I agreed. She snickered and gave me cash and we discussed how I should throw the bills at them when I went back.

I went back. The cashier I had been using was gone. I was now starring at a 20 year old who knew nothing about home repairs. She also freaked out when faced with large sums of cash. A supervisor was called over. I had to sign additional paperwork. I was fuming (it is the second stage of "Home Depot Depression"). At one point my head fell off and rolled across the floor. We finally were allowed to leave.

I never want to buy kitchen cabinets again.

World Trivia To-Go:
The world's largest lake is the Caspian Sea

A conversation

A certain 12 year old: "Mom, I don't want you to help me clean my room"

Me: "Why?"

12 year old: "Because...then...we'll like...have to clean the WHOLE room"

What? As opposed to just the half that you were going to do? As opposed to shoving everything from the floor into the closet?

America's Most Wanted

Be prepared, this post is full of gore, violence and sadly, death. I am ashamed to say that our dog (the unnamed dog who's violent behavior cannot be allowed to continue) has wreaked havoc on the dog toy world today. We have lost a good one. "Purple Man" didn't make it.
By the time I happened on the scene, there was too much damage. I first had to figure out how to get the perpetrator away from the victim. There was just so much blood.

I can't look!

Exhibit A doesn't express the force in which I am using to save Purple Man's life. There was much growling and teeth gnashing. And that was just on my end.

The aggressor looked at me and demanded that I unhand the victim. She may have used the most forceful weapon of all...puppy dog eyes.

By the time I had the paramedics working on what was left of Purple Man, someone that shall remain unnamed, was trying to look innocent. I have a hunch however, that this was indeed the attacker.

I had the nurses photograph the wounds.

You wouldn't believe after the all point bulletin how many other victims came forward with their own stories. Hippo here had his ear violently bitten off.

Rabbit had a sad story of being jumped from behind.

This poor guy was embarrassed to admit his legs had been unmercifully "removed". It's been a tough day down here at the precinct. All I can say is that at least the crime has been solved and we hope there are no more further incidents.

World Trivia To-Go:

The world's tallest waterfall is Angel Falls in Venezuela. It drops 3,212 feet. Google it, it is amazing.

Foolish Felines

We are a household of pets. Two cats and one dog. The dog shall rename nameless until I forgive her for dragging someone's leftover lunch from their backpack and eating it. It is possible that because of the dog we have one cat who will not come downstairs. It is also possible that we have had our dog for 2 1/2 years and the cat still won't come downstairs.
She will only come down at night after everyone has gone to bed, and here she is peeking around the corner from the stairs to see if there is any canine presence. The other cat very well may be very pleased that he gets the whole downstairs to himself (he ignores the fact that we have a dog). Does he look pleased to you?

This might be a dust bunny. Then again it might not. Maybe someone should stop spending so much time on the computer, and spend more time keeping house.

World Trivia To-Go:

The world's deepest lake, Lake Baikal in Siberia, is 5,380 feet deep!

Ten year old Tumbler

Someone has been befriending the neighbors just so she can use their trampoline. Nevermind that the kids who live there are boys, and they are only 7 and 4 years old. Last year she was working on back handsprings in gymnastics, but they really freaked her out. I suppose you have to trust that you aren't going to land on your head and snap your neck. Okay...they are now freaking me out.

The trampoline offers so much more...bounce, and cushion...and is gentler on the neck. So the other day she was super stoked (and I mean stoked in a "I surfed the pipeline" kind of way) to not only master them on the trampoline, but also bust out a few back flips as well. I honestly prefer to see her in a more upright position. I also honestly prefer that Morrie stop calling it "the tramp". I don't need to hear "Go play on the tramp", "Show me what you can do with the tramp", "Let Daddy have a try". Uh...excuse me?

One more thing...

If you get in front of Isabelle when she winds up to kick the crap out of a ball, you would be better off turning and running for your life. I watched her at practice one day and she was going one on one against a teammate and she tried to kick the ball through them. Now, I have discussed the biology and chemical make-up of the human body with her. However, she still thinks she can kick through someone. Isabelle did this twice in one practice, and each time the other girl limped off the field. For the love of gawd, don't injure your own players!!

I did cringe a little bit on Sunday when she was playing indoor. She had a free kick and there was a girl on the other team who thought it would be a GREAT idea to stand directly in front of Isabelle (10 yards away) to try to block the free kick. She did turn away from Isabelle though. That one move of standing with her back to Isabelle saved this girl some serious pain. Unfortunately, Isabelle's kick was off just a bit and hit the girl square in the back of the head - full force. The girl walked around for a moment stunned and the ref asked if she was ok and she said she was. I have my doubts. Someone should check her pupils.

Really? It's March?

I can't believe February just up and left. I thought we had just sat down together. Hmm...Well, the weather this weekend should have been my first clue that February was gone. Isabelle had an outdoor game where the weather was amazing. The lesson that I learned watching her was: if you get in her way, she will push you out of her way.

I know it's really March because I am back to painting rocks. This one I gave as a gift. However, I don't think people really appreciate rocks like they used to. I think it was cute when I was 5, but now it just seems like I have too much time on my hands.

The most important thing I have learned lately is this: Doing dishes right after dinner is overrated. Who doesn't want to wake up to this in the morning?

What?

Soccer pictures! I know...I know....verry exciting. What is even more exciting is that I didn't take them! Maria asked for the camera and she took them. Such a sweet kid. I really need to get her doing more of my hobbies for me so I can sit around and do...well...nothing. Don't even try to tackle Isabelle, because she will take you down, or if she doesn't, she will at least take the ball away from you.

Kiana, our all star scorer this spring is doing a fine job of working at a 45 degree angle. Something that I try to avoid at all times as I will soon thereafter go down.

Here is my stage crew compadre, right outside the stage door before our last performance. If you think she is saying something along the lines of "I can't believe I have another 5 hours with my mom and all my friends today" she probably is. I only tried to embarass her the tiniest bit, after all, I wouldn't be a very good mom if I was my normal cool self ALL the time.

Blog Stage Fright

Sometimes I think I write funnier emails than I do blog posts. I however, have found a cure:

Dear Pioneer Woman,

I simply cannot live up to your blogging standards, and I feel that I should either A) retire completely or B) come and live with you in your better life. Nevermind that I sort of detest riding horses, and am not fond of any level of cow manure in the house, and I can't cook. Aside from those aspects, I think I would make a great Ranch Wife. If this letter sounds at all like I would like to run away from my current home responsibilities, then lets just keep it between you and me. I won't tell anyone that your 3d child is your favorite, and you can keep it a secret that I am addicted to reality tv.

Your humble servant,
Andrea - Woman of not much...really.