My so called "Night"

I am too old for this...

(This is a re-creation of last Tuesday night. We had put Annie to bed noticing that she seemed really bloated for some reason.To preface this story our small dog sleeps in a large dog crate each night with blankets and many of her stuffed animals)

11:45pm - Annie (the dog) barks
11:46pm- I pretend it didn't happen and hope it doesn't happen again
11:47pm- Damnit. Annie barks again. I shut my eyes tighter.
(she doesn't usually do this)
11:48pm- I get up and take her outside. She takes for.ev.er.

11:55pm- Put her back in crate, and now my feet are freezing.
11:57pm- She barks again
11:58pm- Morrie takes her downstairs and lets her walk around. She walks right over to one of her lovies (stuffed dog toy) picks it up and walks back to the stairs to go to bed. How cute.

12:00am- Morrie puts her back in the crate. We sigh, and lay our heads back down.
12:05am- She barks again
12:07am- I grab a pillow (I want to suffocate myself) and the dog and go downstairs. I take her back outside and set up her crate by the back door and get comfortable on the couch

12:15am- I realize that by leaving the crate door open in hopes she would just walk around and lay down somewhere, I have made a mistake. She is running all over the downstairs playing with her animal friends.

12:45am- I am still awake.
12:55am- I have finally fallen asleep and am woken up by strange noises from upstairs. I get up and Annie has jumped over the baby gate at the stairs and is walking around Maria's room looking for stuff to chew on, poop on, play with, etc.
12:57am- I grab her and put her back in the crate, this time with the door firmly locked.

2:00am- The Dog barks and needs out again.
2:10am- She took seemingly 3 years outside, I am thinking she must have a stomach ache, and get her settled back in the crate.

2:25am- I wake up to throwing up noises and literally fly off the couch to get the poor dog out of her crate. It's not the dog. It's the friggin' cat throwing up all over the kitchen floor.

2:35am- Just as I think I have re-warmed my blankets on the couch, the dog barks and wants out again. I get up and let her out. Only this time, she just stands on the deck starring at me. I tell her I am NOT in the mood for games and put her back in the crate and decidedly slam the door.

I fall asleep and have a nightmare that I let the dog out the back door and she gets attacked by a wolf hound. It wasn't pretty.

4:00am- The damn dog barks. I let her out. She stands on the deck starring at me. I try banging my head against the floor, but I am already awake and THIS nightmare is really my life.
4:06am- I put the damn dog back in the crate and settle down on my pillow. The cat decides to jump ON the crate and scare the dog, the dog goes nuts and I proceed with a rush of adrenaline that doesn't allow me to fall back asleep for 10 minutes.

4:30am- The god-forsaken dog barks AGAIN. I let her out and she is gone for 10 minutes. I know she is not meeting some cute Lab out there because she is FIXED. I have visions of a house that doesn't have pets.

While I am waiting for her to return, the cat wants out. I let him out and before I can close the door he walks back in. He does this 3 more times.When the god-forsaken dog returns, I toss the cat outside and mutter to myself all the bad words I can think of.

4:40 The dog is whining, so I let her out of the crate, she runs around the house for 5 minutes and then I grab her in a full nelson and make her lay down with me and we fall asleep together.

I get up at 6:30, get dressed, take the kids to school and then spent 2 hours at the dentist getting my innards scraped out through my gums.

By the time I got to work at 12:30 and was sitting in a meeting, I was on the verge of tears.