Time Travel

On Saturday we drove a few hours to a soccer game and as we took the long way back, we stopped by our old neighborhood. We lived in a very small town that was pretty rural. We were sandwiched between the Olympic mountains and the Puget Sound. Everywhere we went there seemed to be amazing views. This is where we lived from the time Maria was born and Izzy was 2 until Maria was 4 and Izzy was 6. It is where I was a stay at home mom and snuggled my girls close and listened as they said their first words. It is where I hung up a list of all the states in the kitchen and Morrie asked if we were running a preschool. It's where we had our first dog. It's where we listened to frogs croaking late at night and took walks in the woods and had the best neighbor friends we have ever had.

Just driving into the neighboring towns got me choked up. I wanted look down the street and see us driving our car in 2002 with giggling little girls singing along with Toddler Tunes (a CD we nearly wore out). I can still hear Izzy asking me questions in her sweet little high voice and Maria agreeing with everything her big sister said.

How am I not still with those little ones?


I never thought just driving by the old house would bring back such strong feelings. I remember every inch of that small house. The trees I painted on the walls, Sesame Street playing on the tv, the girls coloring at the kitchen table, and me cooking dinner in the smallest kitchen you can imagine.

I so badly wanted to walk up to that front door, nudge it open, and peek in on those girls and maybe sit down with them and play for a while.

This is the park where we would go to light off fireworks with all the neighbors on the fourth of July.

This view I probably saw a million times, getting ready to go visit the family on the other side of the water.



It was a lot to take in and absorb. I am not really ready to have the girls be so old and mature. I think I super enjoyed 18 month old Maria and 3 year old Izzy. I think I would like to have them over. I think I need a hug.

Sigh..

Sniff*

Can I just lay down on the sand and wake up in 2001?

Meanwhile, Morrie thought I was off my rocker and went to look at starfish with Maria.

Isabelle couldn't be with us that day as she had more pressing issues. Like hanging out with a bunch of other teenagers.

I really missed her. Really. I would have liked all 4 of us to have been together so she could share her memories with us. Maybe she could have held my hand.

As it was, Maria had to continually hug me and hold my hand everywhere we walked.

Where are these girls???

I need a tissue.

I think I know why some families just keep having kids.

Because if you don't, you will wind up curled up under your blankets moaning about how much you miss your babies. Then you teenager will roll her eyes and ask you to stop holding her so tightly and if she can go do her homework, or text someone, or do ANYTHING else. Then your almost 12 year old will get you a tissue and giggle because she thinks you are funny. She will ask to use your iphone flashlight app and blind you in the process. Then you will get up from under your heavy emotional blanket of memories and wonder if it will always hurt this much.

Yup, I think it will.

I will just keep my sunglasses on to hide my weeping and ask Morrie to hold me a little longer. Then I will probably tell him that I want the girls to live with us forever.